It happens that Irving Berlin's White Christmas is my favorite movie of all time, so when my mom found a little vintage craft booklet put out by Craft House in 1954 which features Rosemary Clooney on the cover, you know I was thrilled. It seems that "Smart Gals" "From Beverly Hills to Boston" are making their own holiday decorations this year. Well, I could have told you that.
Look at these darling centerpieces! Look at them!
I will share with you how you, whether a resident of Beverly Hills or Boston, can craft these beautiful, tasteful holiday decorations yourself. You may want to grab a pen and paper, because there are a few steps. Ready?
Step number 1: Obtain a 1982 DeLorean DMC-12.
Step two: Dig up a small nuclear reactor and some plutonium. You are going to need this to generate the required 1.21 gigawatts of power. Also, and this is so, so important, you're going to need to get your hands on a flux capacitor.
Step 3: Find a large expanse of open ground, perhaps a parking lot or airport runway. You are on your own here as I live in Oklahoma and am not familiar with the layouts of Beverly Hills or Boston.
Step 4: Somewhere on the DeLorean's dashboard you should find a mechanism featuring some buttons. Use those buttons to enter the date 12/1/54 (or 1/12/54 if your DeLorean was manufactured for the European market.)
Step 5: At one end of the above mentioned parking lot or runway, put your foot on the DeLorean's gas pedal and drive that mother until the speedometer reads 88 mph.
Step 6: The directions get a bit fuzzy here, because if I'm being perfectly honest, I have not tried this myself. DeLoreans, even ones from 1982, are expensive, yo.
If you have arrived safely in 1954, (and if you have followed my directions to the letter there's no reason why you shouldn't have) find the nearest dime store and purchase those Craft House Christmas Decoration Kits which you desire. While you're at it, buy a few for me. I will totally pay you back.
Step 7: Return to 2009. At this point, head over to my "Vintage Crafts" set on flickr where you will find the directions for assembling many of these kits.
If for whatever reason you are unable to follow the directions outlined above, I am including these Styrofoam Snowball ornaments which you should be able to recreate using components purchased right here in Aught Nine.
Stay tuned for installment number two of the Do-It-Yourself Magazine Special Holiday Issue!